The Recovery Process
Recovery from sexual assault is not a smooth, linear process. Although recovery here is presented in "stages," a survivor does not move from stage 1 to stage 2 to stage 3 in a simple manner until he/she is "recovered" and then leave it all behind. The healing process may be accurately imagined as an upward spiral in which a survivor moves toward recovery, but moves back and forth through the different stages. For example, survivors may tap into denial at any time as a way of coping with other life stresses, or a survivor who has recovered greatly may suddenly be overwhelmed by an event and find the rape is consuming him/her once again. This is completely expected, and is not moving "backwards" in recovery; rather, it often provides a new perspective on familiar feelings, or an opportunity to work through feelings which may have been too difficult at an earlier time. It is important to keep in mind that recovering from sexual assault is an individual process. There is no prescribed timeframe or manner for healing. Each survivor recovers at their own pace and in their own way.
Stages of Recovery
Sexual assault can be terrifying and traumatic. After an assault, it's not uncommon to feel fearful, confused, guilty, ashamed, or isolated. You do not have to deal with these feelings alone. There are many concerned people at UCI and in the community to help you recover and heal.
Therapeutic Tips and Advice
There are times when the emotions and pain associated with a rape or sexual assault can be overwhelming. These feelings can come immediately after the assault or many years later. The following are things that you can do to help take care of yourself as you recover from the assault that you experienced.
Do…
- Make yourself a cup of tea, or a soothing warm drink
- If it is safe to do so, go for a walk
- Spend time talking with a trusted friend or family member
- Take a bath
- Spend time with a favorite pet
- Workout, exercise helps to increase your body's production of endorphins which help you to feel better
- Read a favorite book
- Write in your journal
- Find a creative outlet- music, painting, writing poems, etc
- Sign up for a self-defense course- it may help you to feel more in control
- Eat healthy food
- Most importantly, remind yourself that it is alright for you to feel these emotions, they are normal reactions to an abnormal event
Avoid…
These are some things that survivors of rape or sexual assault often do to cope but that are better to avoid:
- Relying on alcohol or drug use
- Disclosing personal information in chat rooms or blogs
- Seeking out situations in which you feel unsafe
- Taking actions that undermine your self-worth
- Using food and unhealthy eating as a way to control your body and emotional state
- Inflicting harm on your body
- Blaming yourself for what happened
This information is borrowed from the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) website
Do I Need Counseling?
Sexual assault has a painful psychological impact on the survivor. A professional who is knowledgeable in the area of sexual assault can provide guidance and support as you work through the difficult aspects of the healing process.
Self-assessment
Do you…
- Try to avoid thinking about the assault but find yourself constantly distracted by it?
- Feel alone, like no one else understands?
- Keep thinking about what you could have done differently to avoid the assault?
- Feel like you want to hide, disappear or die?
- Wish people would just leave you alone?
- Feel ashamed, embarrassed or dirty?
- Have a hard time concentrating on your coursework?
- Avoid social situations?
- Blame yourself for what happened to you?
- Replay the incidents of the assault?
- Feel sad, empty, or full of despair?
- Have problems sleeping or eating?
- Feel like a part of you has died?
- Wish that you could just be back to "normal" again?
If you have answered yes to any of the above questions, you are being negatively impacted by sexual assault. Reaching out for help will relieve these things and help you put your life back together again. Remember, you are not alone, and you don't have to continue feeling this way.
For more information, please go to our Advocacy page, feel free to come by the CARE office on the 3rd floor of the Student Center, or call us at 949‑824‑7273
What to expect from counseling/therapy
Though everyone heals in their own way and at their own pace, many survivors describe working through these issues during the healing process:
- Shock/disbelief
- Denial
- Fear
- Self-blame/guilt/shame
- Learning about sexual assault
- Challenging beliefs of self-blame and feelings of guilt
- Anger/Rage
- Sadness
- Acceptance of the event as part of one's life
- Incorporation of the event into one's life
- Empowerment
Things to look for when choosing a therapist:
Ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you feel safe with this individual?
- Do you feel like you are being heard?
- Does it feel like this individual has knowledge about sexual assault and it's impact on the survivor?
- Do you feel supported?
- Do you feel the individual understands you?
Consider finding another therapist if the person you are working with is:
- Asking what or why questions about the incident
- Blaming or judging your actions or feelings
- Dismissing your feelings
- Minimizing your experience
Why you may resist reaching out for help:
The following are some common reasons people are reluctant to get help:
This information was taken from from: Abarbanel, G. and Richman, G. (1989) The Rape Victim.
Rape Trauma Syndrome
Survivors of sexual assault and attempted sexual assault suffer a significant degree of physical and emotional trauma during and immediately following the assault and for a considerable period of time after the assault.
The symptoms that are consistently felt over and over by survivors are clustered into a group called Rape Trauma Syndrome. All these feelings and disruptions can occur one or many at a time. They can come and go. Some people try to block out the painful thoughts and memories; others need to talk about their experience over and over again.
Adult and child survivors experience post-assault trauma, and in much the same way, but with differences specific to their ages. Female and male adult survivors experience this trauma in much the same way, with one major difference: When men are assaulted – whether by other men or, more infrequently, by women – the masculinity of the survivor is questioned. When women are assaulted by men (the most common form of sexual assault), there is no questioning of the survivor's femininity; "victimness" has become inherent in the social construction of "female." Another prevailing cultural assumption when women are assaulted is that they did something to invite the assault, that it was somehow their fault.
Most survivors feel alone in their experience, isolated from others, sometimes "crazy," and frustrated. These are normal responses to an abnormal experience.
Stages of Rape Trauma Syndrome
Crisis or Acute Stage
This stage occurs immediately after the assault. It may last a few days to several weeks and may return during the following years. Some of the characteristics are:
- Fear of physical injury, mutilation, and death
- Anxiety attacks and crying spells, mood swings and depression
- Difficulty concentrating, making simple decisions, doing normal tasks
- Disturbances in sleeping and eating patterns
- Feeling numb, with little emotion
- Poor recall of the assault or other memories
- Feelings of humiliation, guilt, shame, embarrassment, self-blame, anger, confusion, powerlessness. A survivor may cry, shake or appear to be agitated and restless, or seem calm, controlled, "spacey," or laugh hysterically, as if an assault had never occurred. All are normal responses.
Outward Adjustment Stage
This can last from a month to many years. In this stage survivors attempt to resume their normal lifestyle and put the assault behind them. Sometimes they appear to have succeeded but internal turmoil may still be affecting them in some of these ways:
- Denial-attempts to block thoughts of the assault
- Continued anxiety, helplessness
- Withdrawal from family and friends
- Deterioration of normal routine - not wanting to go out or be involved
- Change in sexual behaviors, attitudes
- Misdirected or self-directed anger
- Depression, substance abuse, eating disorders
Integration and Resolution
The assault is no longer the central focus of the survivor's life, however, any of the feelings of the first two stages may reappear. The return of those feelings is often due to re-stimulation of memories of the assault. This can happen several years later and cause fear and confusion. Support and reassurance can help the survivor realize that while she will never forget the assault, it is just one part of her life experience.
Additional College Concerns
In addition to the possible emotional and physical effects many sexual assault victims experience after the trauma, there are additional concerns that you, as a college student, might face. Understand that recovering from trauma while being a college student can be an overwhelming and scary process. It is important to know that there are resources available to you on the UCI campus as well as in the community to help you through this difficult time.
- What if I see the person who hurt me on campus or if we are in a class together?
-
If you are both on the same campus, you may see them again. Remember that you have every right to be there and continue your education. If you see them, go on with your business. Only you can decide if it's safe for you to talk with them, but be prepared that they may not give you the response you need or want. If it is uncomfortable or unsafe for you to be in the same class or campus organization, you may be able to seek accommodations or a campus no contact/stay away order. To learn more about your options, contact a CARE Advocate or an Investigator from the UCI Office of Equal Opportunity and Diversity. If your safety is at risk or you are being threatened, you can also contact the UCI Police Department.
- We have mutual friends and belong to the same groups. Some people believe them and some believe me. Others try to be in the middle
-
This is common because acquaintance rape usually involves two people who have come to know each other (often through friends or social groups). People will take sides. Usually, those who were closer to them before will remain aligned with them. Likewise, your true friends will support you. For those who try to remain ‘neutral' it can cause greater conflict because you may wonder if they believe you. Surround yourself with people who support, respect, and believe you. Trust your instincts about staying in the same social groups with the person who raped you. It is your choice. Remember, you did nothing wrong – they did.
- I'm not sure I'm ready to start dating again. I don't know if I can trust other people not to move too fast or try to hurt me in the same way:
-
Many survivors have this concern. They trusted their instincts and the person who hurt them. They never expected it to happen and now they wonder if it can happen again. Take your time with dating. Start in social situations with others and slowly move toward other situations that feel safe and comfortable. For example, go on double dates or daytime dates to public places. At first, you may want to avoid situations where you will feel isolated or with little control (e.g. someone's bedroom). Spend several outings with someone before you move to more secluded, intimate settings. Then, when you're ready, be clear about your sexual limits before the date and reinforce those limits on the date.
- I was drunk at the time of the assault. I don't even remember everything that happened. I'm worried about reporting since I was drinking alcohol underage.
-
The majority of acquaintance rapes involve alcohol or other drugs. Even if you were under the influence, you did not deserve to be raped. Most law enforcement and school authorities do not penalize victims for making a report. At UCI, you will not be penalized for underage drinking and this should not get in the way of reporting the rape.
- Ever since this happened, it's been hard for me to go to classes. I'm worried I might fail or ruin my GPA
-
It will take some time to get back to your routine and to be able to focus on your studies again. UCI offers assistance by contacting professors of students who are experiencing a crisis (without disclosing the reason for your absences or missed assignments). This can be arranged through the Student counseling Center, UCI CARE, or the UCI Office of the Ombuds. You might want to notify your professors on your own. Again, it's up to you as to what you want to share. If you have missed several classes, you may want to consider a medical leave or withdraw for the term to avoid failing the classes. Please go to: UCI Office of Student Conduct, UCI CARE, UCI Office of the Ombuds
- I'm not sure if I should tell my parents. I'll be going home soon for break and they will know I'm not the same
-
If you tell your parents, will it be more helpful for you? Many rape survivors find it hard to say the words, but they are grateful to have their parents love and support after they have told them. Others are concerned that it will hurt their parents, or they won't understand. Only you can decide if it will be better for you if they know. It may be helpful to talk with a counselor about your concerns to help you with this important decision.
Borrowed from "Coping with Sexual Assault: A Guide to Healing, Resolution and Recovery." (TS Nelson Publications, www.tsnelson.com)