Sexual Assault

There are times when the emotions and pain associated with a rape or sexual assault can be overwhelming. These feelings can come immediately after the assault or many years later. The following are things that you can do to help take care of yourself as you recover from the assault that you experienced.

Do…

• Make yourself a cup of tea, or a soothing warm drink
• If it is safe to do so, go for a walk
• Spend time talking with a trusted friend or family member
• Take a bath
• Spend time with a favorite pet
• Workout, exercise helps to increase your body’s production of endorphins which help you to feel better
• Read a favorite book
• Write in your journal
• Find a creative outlet- music, painting, writing poems, etc
• Sign up for a self-defense course- it may help you to feel more in control
• Eat healthy food
• Most importantly, remind yourself that it is alright for you to feel these emotions, they are normal reactions to an abnormal event

Avoid…

These are some things that survivors of rape or sexual assault often do to cope but that are better to avoid:

• Relying on alcohol or drug use
• Disclosing personal information in chat rooms or blogs
• Seeking out situations in which you feel unsafe
• Taking actions that undermine your self-worth
• Using food and unhealthy eating as a way to control your body and emotional state
• Inflicting harm on your body
• Blaming yourself for what happened

This information is borrowed from the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) website

Sexual assault has a painful psychological impact on the survivor. A professional who is knowledgeable in the area of sexual assault can provide guidance and support as you work through the difficult aspects of the healing process.

Self-assessment

Do you…

• Try to avoid thinking about the assault but find yourself constantly distracted by it?
• Feel alone, like no one else understands?
• Keep thinking about what you could have done differently to avoid the assault?
• Feel like you want to hide, disappear or die?
• Wish people would just leave you alone?
• Feel ashamed, embarrassed or dirty?
• Have a hard time concentrating on your coursework?
• Avoid social situations?
• Blame yourself for what happened to you?
• Replay the incidents of the assault?
• Feel sad, empty, or full of despair?
• Have problems sleeping or eating?
• Feel like a part of you has died?
• Wish that you could just be back to “normal” again?

If you have answered yes to any of the above questions, you are being negatively impacted by sexual assault. Reaching out for help will relieve these things and help you put your life back together again. Remember, you are not alone, and you don’t have to continue feeling this way.

For more information, please go to our Advocacy page, feel free to come by the CARE office on the 3rd floor of the Student Center, or call us at 949‑824‑7273

What to expect from counseling/therapy

Though everyone heals in their own way and at their own pace, many survivors describe working through these issues during the healing process:

• Shock/disbelief
• Denial
• Fear
• Self-blame/guilt/shame
• Learning about sexual assault
• Challenging beliefs of self-blame and feelings of guilt
• Anger/Rage
• Sadness
• Acceptance of the event as part of one’s life
• Incorporation of the event into one’s life
• Empowerment

Things to look for when choosing a therapist:

Ask yourself the following questions:

• Do you feel safe with this individual?
• Do you feel like you are being heard?
• Does it feel like this individual has knowledge about sexual assault and it’s impact on the survivor?
• Do you feel supported?
• Do you feel the individual understands you?

Consider finding another therapist if the person you are working with is:

• Asking what or why questions about the incident
• Blaming or judging your actions or feelings
• Dismissing your feelings
• Minimizing your experience

Why you may resist reaching out for help:

The following are some common reasons people are reluctant to get help:

• “I feel so ashamed”

  Most people who are sexually assaulted feel a tremendous amount of shame and embarrassment. Many survivors identify this as one of the most damaging affects of being assaulted. Keeping the feelings of shame and embarrassment inside intensifies them. Talking about your feelings will allow you to release them.

• “If I ignore it, it will go away.”

  This is a natural part of wanting to deny the painful experience of sexual assault. Though it is difficult to talk about the impact that sexual assault has on one’s life, pretending that it didn’t happen often prolongs the pain and suffering. Talking about the sexual assault and it’s effect on your life is what will help diminish your pain.

• “It’s all my fault”

  Feeling responsible for the assault is a common reaction to being violated. Self-blame may represent an attempt to undo what happened, regain control and avoid feeling vulnerable. Though it is a natural part of working through a traumatic event, blaming yourself can lead to feelings of guilt and can intensify the feelings of shame. It is important to remember that the only person responsible for a sexual assault is the perpetrator.

• “I went to a therapist and it didn’t help”

  When looking for a therapist it is important that you find someone who you can connect with. Sometimes this means meeting with several different therapists until you find one that you feel comfortable with and that you can trust. Working with someone who specialized in sexual assault/abuse can be very helpful.

This information was taken from from: Abarbanel, G. and Richman, G. (1989) The Rape Victim.

Rape Trauma Syndrome

Survivors of sexual assault and attempted sexual assault suffer a significant degree of physical and emotional trauma during and immediately following the assault and for a considerable period of time after the assault.

The symptoms that are consistently felt over and over by survivors are clustered into a group called Rape Trauma Syndrome. All these feelings and disruptions can occur one or many at a time. They can come and go. Some people try to block out the painful thoughts and memories; others need to talk about their experience over and over again.

Adult and child survivors experience post-assault trauma, and in much the same way, but with differences specific to their ages. Female and male adult survivors experience this trauma in much the same way, with one major difference: When men are assaulted – whether by other men or, more infrequently, by women – the masculinity of the survivor is questioned. When women are assaulted by men (the most common form of sexual assault), there is no questioning of the survivor’s femininity; “victimness” has become inherent in the social construction of “female.” Another prevailing cultural assumption when women are assaulted is that they did something to invite the assault, that it was somehow their fault.

Most survivors feel alone in their experience, isolated from others, sometimes “crazy,” and frustrated. These are normal responses to an abnormal experience.

Stages of Rape Trauma Syndrome

Crisis or Acute Stage

This stage occurs immediately after the assault. It may last a few days to several weeks and may return during the following years. Some of the characteristics are:

• Fear of physical injury, mutilation, and death
• Anxiety attacks and crying spells, mood swings and depression
• Difficulty concentrating, making simple decisions, doing normal tasks
• Disturbances in sleeping and eating patterns
• Feeling numb, with little emotion
• Poor recall of the assault or other memories
• Feelings of humiliation, guilt, shame, embarrassment, self-blame, anger, confusion, powerlessness. A survivor may cry, shake or appear to be agitated and restless, or seem calm, controlled, “spacey,” or laugh hysterically, as if an assault had never occurred. All are normal responses.

Outward Adjustment Stage

In addition to the possible emotional and physical effects many sexual assault victims experience after the trauma, there are additional concerns that you, as a college student, might face. Understand that recovering from trauma while being a college student can be an overwhelming and scary process. It is important to know that there are resources available to you on the UCI campus as well as in the community to help you through this difficult time.

What if I see the person who hurt me on campus or if we are in a class together?

If you are both on the same campus, you may see them again.  Remember that you have every right to be there and continue your education.  If you see them, go on with your business.  Only you can decide if it’s safe for you to talk with them, but be prepared that they may not give you the response you need or want.  If it is uncomfortable or unsafe for you to be in the same class or campus organization, you may be able to seek accommodations or a campus no contact/stay away order.  To learn more about your options, contact a CARE Advocate or an Investigator from the UCI Office of Equal Opportunity and Diversity. If your safety is at risk or you are being threatened, you can also contact the UCI Police Department.

 

We have mutual friends and belong to the same groups. Some people believe them and some believe me. Others try to be in the middle

This is common because acquaintance rape usually involves two people who have come to know each other (often through friends or social groups). People will take sides. Usually, those who were closer to them before will remain aligned with them. Likewise, your true friends will support you. For those who try to remain ‘neutral’ it can cause greater conflict because you may wonder if they believe you. Surround yourself with people who support, respect, and believe you. Trust your instincts about staying in the same social groups with the person who raped you. It is your choice. Remember, you did nothing wrong – they did.

 

I’m not sure I’m ready to start dating again. I don’t know if I can trust other people not to move too fast or try to hurt me in the same way:

Many survivors have this concern. They trusted their instincts and the person who hurt them. They never expected it to happen and now they wonder if it can happen again. Take your time with dating. Start in social situations with others and slowly move toward other situations that feel safe and comfortable. For example, go on double dates or daytime dates to public places. At first, you may want to avoid situations where you will feel isolated or with little control (e.g. someone’s bedroom). Spend several outings with someone before you move to more secluded, intimate settings. Then, when you’re ready, be clear about your sexual limits before the date and reinforce those limits on the date.

 

I was drunk at the time of the assault. I don’t even remember everything that happened. I’m worried about reporting since I was drinking alcohol underage.

The majority of acquaintance rapes involve alcohol or other drugs. Even if you were under the influence, you did not deserve to be raped. Most law enforcement and school authorities do not penalize victims for making a report. At UCI, you will not be penalized for underage drinking and this should not get in the way of reporting the rape.

 

Ever since this happened, it’s been hard for me to go to classes. I’m worried I might fail or ruin my GPA

It will take some time to get back to your routine and to be able to focus on your studies again. UCI offers assistance by contacting professors of students who are experiencing a crisis (without disclosing the reason for your absences or missed assignments). This can be arranged through the Student counseling Center, UCI CARE, or the UCI Office of the Ombuds. You might want to notify your professors on your own. Again, it’s up to you as to what you want to share. If you have missed several classes, you may want to consider a medical leave or withdraw for the term to avoid failing the classes. Please go to: UCI Office of Student Conduct, UCI CARE, UCI Office of the Ombuds.

 

I’m not sure if I should tell my parents. I’ll be going home soon for break and they will know I’m not the same

If you tell your parents, will it be more helpful for you? Many rape survivors find it hard to say the words, but they are grateful to have their parents love and support after they have told them. Others are concerned that it will hurt their parents, or they won’t understand. Only you can decide if it will be better for you if they know. It may be helpful to talk with a counselor about your concerns to help you with this important decision.

Borrowed from “Coping with Sexual Assault: A Guide to Healing, Resolution and Recovery.” (TS Nelson Publications, www.tsnelson.com)